help!! 911 help!! XD

I wonder if there is a good college in Medan, but I guess there are really no good choices here.. I now prefer taking Accounting to Management.. Even though I has yet to master it, It's time learned everything seriously.. I need really a hard work.. ck ck ck.. I love English too, that's why I am afraid of decreasing my English when I start focusing only in business things.. I need to find a college that is using English for the conversation and prioritizing English.. I think in Medan there are ONLY IT n B and Cendana.. aaaaaaaaa.. a difficult choice.. I can't choose.. zzzzzz.. Actually, I wanna go to university; for example, USU ( if in Medan), STAN ( In Jakarta, this is really a good choice for accounting ), UGM, UI, so on.. but I think I can't pick one of those because I need to work.. zzzzzzz.. I am not a girl that was born in a happy wealthy family.. I need to work.. and if you go to University, you can't get a job because there is no certain time to be on college.. It depends on the lecturer..


My boring life begins.. I really get confused.. zzzzzzz.. What should I do?

huhuhuhu..



Anyone that read my blog. if you know the answer, please give a comment..




Jessica

Hello

Diary..

haaaaa.. I feel quite tired and sleepy.. hoamm.. but I haven't done my tasks.. Haiya.. This is just the beginning of school day.. Days will be getting more exhausting ,and I should be ready for it! huff.. but everything seems so hard.. ck ck ck Winfield is on the last grade, that will be busier.. So is Sutomo.. hikz.. I am afraid I can't manage everything properly.. ck.. ck.. ck.. -.-

Hey.. I got a new lesson of my life : " Count on yourself! nothing nor no one is neither dependable! "
Yihaaaaaa! trust me! from now on, build a great defense and be yourself!
Problems are nothing when you are strong! strong in your mind.. it isn't about physically.. I love learning everything in my mistakes.. It makes me stronger when I realized that I did something wrong and I wanna change it..

haaa Seems too late already.. I'm going to finish my works before it's too night to meditate..
ahahha because I often can't stand in doing meditation when I'm worn out..


Good Night dear..



Jessica

DESTINY??

Diary..

I am sick of him.. really sucks!! ugh.. I am pity of your life!! GRRRRRRRR..
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..
you don't know everything, or YOU DON"T WANNA KNOW EVERYTHING?????????
I am not saying I am a very good person because I admit that everyone makes mistake..
and YOU??? huyyy.. You even don't care of your fault..!! moreover, your answer seems to be that this is all a DESTINY!! I don't believe in DESTINY!! There is no a straight and obvious way of our life..!
You can change everything if you want!!! do it with your effort!! No one or NOTHING in THIS WORLD is being managed by SOMEBODY!
If there is really SOMEBODY that give a life path, That creature must be so unfair!
Let's imagine if you were born in Africa with poverty and hunger around you.. and you were the one of the unlucky baby.. YOU are GONNA DIE THERE.. even thousands of babies and infants even a grown up people died of hunger! IS IT A DESTINY????????? IS IT FAIR to live a suffering life until you die??????
If you say it's their karma.. I can understand it..
And how about my life? is it a karma????
Yes! I am absolutely certain of it..
but can we change it? I believe in my problem there is still a little hope if HE wants to live in the reality and stop dreaming..
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..
what a broken life!!!!!!!
I'm done to believe that you are gonna change!
I really don't get what is in your mind?????
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH..

YOU'RE DEFINITELY FUNNY.. ooooo..!!

HAHA funny song

SEDARI DULU


Hatiku berharap
Mungkin engkau kan berubah
Bisa mencintai aku
Seperti hatiku padamu

Hujan badai kan kutempuh
Bintang dilangit kan kuraih
Bila harus ku kan merayu
Untuk cintamu bagiku

Cintamu tlah menjadi candu
Cintamu tlah membuatku membisu
Cintamu ohh seindah lagu
Membuatku tak bisa berpaling darimu

Kau adalah belahan jiwa
Kutahu itu sayang sedari dulu
Kau cinta yang hembuskan aku
Surga dunia disepanjang nafasku

Kau adalah belahan jiwa
Aku cinta kamu sedari dulu
Dan aku takkan berpaling darimu
Sayangku hanya kamu

Cintaku telah terlabuh
Berhenti selamanya dihatimu
Takkan kukayuh menjauh
Biar kurapatkan cintaku padamu

Cintamu tlah menjadi candu
Cintamu tlah membuatku membisu
Cintamu ohh seindah lagu
Hanya dirimu satu ohh cintaku

Kau adalah belahan jiwa
Kutahu itu sayang sedari dulu
Kau cinta yang hembuskan aku
Surga dunia disepanjang nafasku

Kau adalah belahan jiwa
Aku cinta kamu sedari dulu
Dan aku takkan berpaling darimu

Kau adalah belahan jiwa 4x

Kau adalah belahan jiwa
Kutahu itu sayang sedari dulu
Dan aku takkan berpaling darimu

Kau adalah belahan jiwa
Kutahu itu sayang sedari dulu
Kau cinta yang hembuskan
Surga dunia disepanjang nafasku

Kau adalah belahan jiwa
Aku cinta kamu sedari dulu
Dan aku takkan berpaling darimu
Hanya kamu

Future

Diary..

I'm wondering what I'm gonna do for my future.. sigh I've been thinking about it since last year.. yet, there is still no answer.. I'm in arts class and I like social environment.. I think I'm not getting a wrong choice, aren't I? I am a careless person, I need to change it.. It's gonna killing me if I'm doing a lot of mistake in my job later.. Well, I'm thinking about taking business at college, but what am I gonna take? It will be either Marketing, Management, or Accounting.. I prefer management, but accounting is more challenging, for it's more difficult in my opinion.
and I heard that accounting is easier to find a job..
I recently watched some reality films ; for example, Inside the Obama White House, Oprah Winfrey or Kick Andy and so on.. I love their ways in getting success.. one word for them, AWESOME!!! I'd like to take an unique major like my sister does.. She is taking architecture.. I think it's so cool!!

"but you're on arts class JESSICA!! XD you can't take it.. it's for science students.." >.< ( heyyy My sister keeps talking, it makes me can't concentrate on writing!! wkwkwkwkw..) What I am gonna write now? really blur.. I really have another thing to write.. OHHH!! I want to work overseas after I graduated.. Can I? mmmm.. mmmm... Living here makes me can't do any big changes.. I heard that if you get the first degree, you can go to KL to work there.. but I dunno if it's right or no.. but I really want to work there.. I need changes in my life.. Let's see.. but My priority now is get a good college, and take a suitable major... Saying about overseas, I feel like living in Europe.. I love West countries.. hmmm.. hmmm... Too much dreaming..!!! Wake uppp!!! hahahaah..


but after all, I just can say," JIA YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.. ^___^ "



Jessica..

Freak.. -.-

oahhhhhhhhhhhhhh..!!

JOkaa Jess in action..

Diary,

I love English, and I'm very afraid of getting red mark in that subject..
I have Mr. Harkiman at Winfield, he's very good at English, but every week we get double homework.. =.= it's only for task.. let alone in the test.. it'll be definitely crazy.. I'm very AFRAID!!!! how if I can't pass the exam? it's so shameful..

It's only for my course, and just wanna let you know, My English teacher at school is just the same.. He's Mr.Susanto.. I heard from my senior that his tests are crazily difficult and complicated all the year.. it won't be easy.. never gonna happen..
Most students couldn't pass the test.. even there were so many 0 marks.. and it is grateful if you can do it until six, OMG.. he's a good teacher.. I like him.. but do you know.. my sister was doing the tests so well.. she always got 90-100.. excellent! She is smarter than me.. I am just a fool and always careless in doing anything.. -.-


Diary.. pray for me okay??
I absolutely need to work hard this year.. even in English! I must not lighten the tests when it seems so easy.. Do the Best!!!!!!!!!!!! Jia Yoooooooooooooooo!!



Jessica

I'm having the last year of my education!

Dear Diary..


Hey..! I am having a new SERIOUS teacher in my new class at Winfield.. His name is Mr. Harkiman.. WoW.. He might be a genius and brilliant teacher, also I am being promoted to ADVANCE!!!!!! YEY!!! It means one year left to be graduated and gain my certificate dude! hahah..

Well, back to my teacher, Mr.Harkiman, He got PH.D in New Zealand.. He's speaking British English.. He got series programs to improve our English skill! he's really sure to improve our English in a big step if we're following his programs.. That's another WOW for him.. and I'm now doing the tasks that has been given last Thursday.. According to some people, he's so good at English and serious in teaching, also you need to be very diligent.. I must work hard for the last year.. not only that, He teaches only for English course at Winfield, for he is teaching only in University and a private one for the one who wants to study overseas, also he's learning Buddhism, moreover he was invited to Thailand for Buddhism ceremony ( those what I've got for his information, I dunno what other jobs he's running at, but he must have others because he's so smart..)



I think I'm gonna busy this year in my last grade @Sutomo and @Winfield.. A lot of things to do.. If I'm not mistaken, English club gotta be in schedule everyday at school.. I'm having 3 days course and including one day for conversation class at Winfield.. I have to teach my cousin every night.. OMG..! =.= and I'm gonna have UAN for my last examination.. of course it'll need more time to prepare everything.. WHAT A FREAK YEAR! huahuahuahua.. but I think it'll be both fun and challenging than doing nothing in my holiday.. YoYo!! JiaYOOOOOOOoooo! ^______^



Diary.. anyway I'm still sad.. *sigh sometimes I think I really need a friend that can understand deeply about my problems.. I'm having a lot of friends and best friends, but often I caught myself can't tell them how really I feel and how my life is.. My life is a dilemma if anyone knew the fact! I think that Kamma is working and I'm now paying them all with difficulty and pain..

I have great words from Buddha

"AKU ADALAH PEMILIK KARMAKU SENDIRI..
AKU PEWARIS KARMAKU SENDIRI..
AKU TERLAHIR DARI KARMAKU SENDIRI..
AKULAH YG BERHUBUNGAN DENGAN KARMAKU SENDIRI."




See ya Diary..


jessica

aku begitu putus asa..
harapan yang kuinginkan mungkin terlalu jauh tuk digapai..
mengapa kenyataan yang tertulis begitu pahit..
semua kesedihan membalut jantungku yang remuk..
aku tak tau apa yang akan datang lagi..
sebuah keinginan yang tidak berlebihan ini terlihat begitu menyesakkan jiwa..
sekarang ku tau kebenarannya..
semua duka yang terselip di lembaran hidupku ini mungkin adalah,
karma

Everday routines make some good changes

Dear Diary,
Hello.. We meet again.. First of all, What am I gonna write today? hmm.. Let's begin with my little story.. It's meditation.. Do you know Diary.. I managed to do meditation regularly before I get to sleep everyday.. I did it! haha.. It's a little satisfaction of mine.. I used to always expect if I could get myself meditate routinely.. As the present, I succeed managing myself.. ahaha quite surprising when I did it without feel sleepy and bored.. Time flows very fast while I thought that I could get bored easily in sitting without moving and keep concentrating to my object.. When the first time I can't do it properly.. I used to be scared of ghosts imagination inside my mind.. haha what a fool.. >.<

As time goes by, I begin to feel something different.. It's my personality.. It changes a lot.. The most I feel is I become more patient than usually, and I am not getting mad quickly, also I feel more balance in my emotion and calm than usually..


Yesterday, I was having meditation at ITBC, Cemara Asri.. I read parrita, meditated, and listened to the Bhante's talking..
Having meditation about one hour in a quiet and dark room was actually perfect in doing meditation.. but my leg was having a little "pins and needles" because lately I seldom go to temple and I kneeled a few minutes for reading parrita..


Hmm.. It seems that I have finished my little story for today..


Yeahh.. See ya again Diary :)



Jessica

A girl told me a piece of her sad days.. And I do remember it forever bebe..

This is the little story, "Kenapa hidup ini begitu rumit.. Kenapa ada orang yang terlalu tidak bertanggung jawab, tidak mau tau apa2, dan tidak berani menghadapi masalah..
Aku menangis ketika melihat dia.. Tetapi tak kan ada yang tau.. Tidak akan ada yang pernah tau.. Aku sangat menyayanginya.. Tetapi dia terlalu keterlaluan.. Kadang ku ingin mengakhiri hubungan yang sudah renggang ini.. Karena sudah tidak tersisa keinginan untuk bersama.. Entah berapa kali aku dan mereka menyinggung masalah ini, tetapi reaksinya hanya tutup telinga, terus2an memakai topeng penuh kasihan.. Aku sudah muak.. Bahkan amarah ku sudah menutup akal sehatku.. Tetapi kemudian aku sadar, aku tidak boleh begini.. Jika penyakit lama nya kambuh, aku akan menghancurkan hidup orang lain yang sangat kucintai..
Ku mohon Tuhan.. Jika mengakhiri semua nya adalah yang terbaik, tolong buatlah itu seperti rencanamu.. Karna aku tidak kuat untuk melihat orang yg kucintai memutuskan semua ini.. Aku ingin semua nya baik2 sewaktu ini berakhir.. Ku ingin dia juga bahagia.."


hmm.. I hope your days will be better Beb.. I know exactly how you feel.. Smile! I know you can be a great Woman one day!

I'm so sad..

Maag is taking R.E.V.E.N.G.E

I'm laying on sofa,also listening songs with my headset.. Keep drinking my warm water, and typing my phone.. My Maag is about taking revenge for my eating noodle for a day (I have to eat rice than noodle).. I hate when having stomachache or maag.. Haiz...

It isn't very painful, but I'm just feeling not comfortable..


But Diary!
I've tidy up all my books for the new semester and my shelves! As usual, dust gave me a lot of hatchi sounds Hahah..
But this time is much better since mama bought "MASKER" for me >.<

anyway..
It gives me much relief..
Hohoh..

It's all bebe.. Nite =D
and pray for my being recovered soon, okayyy?





Jessica