Jumat, 10 Juni 2011

Wishing



I need more
to describe the losing puzzle
merely got no answer
intuition fades
gloomy covers my mind
I am a bit of scare
like a bird with no wing
that tells how much the fear is
wishing I could count on my own
losing the bound that bind my strength
wishing I could count on my own
living the life that I have
Aiming to fly up higher and higher
with my own wings
wishing I could on my own


Jessica

Kamis, 09 Juni 2011

Devil and Angel



I live with sins and virtues
no wonder why I stand in the middle
I am half devil
but a part of angel
no matter I am not the entire one
I am neither devil nor angel
but I am a part of which
I learn the value of purity
the darkness of sorrow
not to cling to one
for still I am not destined to be one


Jessica

Sabtu, 16 April 2011

Senin udah ujian UN.. Seremnyaa >.< Semoga "I could give my best.."

Sehabis 4 hari ujian, me and bestiess plan going to cinema @Sun.. hihihi..

am looking forward the D dayyyyyyy xD

It was so loooonggggg ago I didn't hang out.. Full schedule *esehhh*!!

ayo, sekarang belajar belajaarrrrrr.......... JIAYOU :D

Minggu, 10 April 2011

Wishes before 2012 xD


2012 rumor or real? who knows? Let's make wishes come true before the rumor itself does come true :D


First, I wanna go to any so-natural-original places :D like Bali, India and any places related to nature and spiritualism.

Second, I wanna deepen my self-learning about spiritualism.

Third, I wanna discard all my mama's burden and give her happiness.

Fourth, I wanna live around places that I've mentioned.

The last one, I want freedom and peace :D

Sabtu, 09 April 2011



Hey dear,

Aku belajar tentang bagaimana menakjubkan semesta ini. Dari berbagai pengalaman yang ku jalani, I am damn thankful to who or what that has inspired me, lightened up my mind, supported when I need a shoulder, loved me who I am, taught me, and so on. I even couldn't say a word. What I could say is only my deepest thank.

Now I prefer everything related to purity heart than any physical appearance that looks like a fake self. When you want to be just yourself, your heart will be so original just like who you are. A purity heart will only be found on an original self that appreciate and be grateful of who they are.

Oh dear, peace is nowhere but in your deepest heart, you might get lost in a greedy heart to own all sort of negative passions. but in the end, you won't get it, because this world never could satisfy a unsatisfied heart.

Be grateful always..
Dance on your life steps.
Be happy..
and ignite your light..

Lavvv this song! Ignite the light in you :D

FIREWORK - KATY PERRY

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Katy Perry Firework lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/katy-perry-firework-lyrics.html

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe"


Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom

Jumat, 18 Maret 2011

A shift to chill myself with comfort

Ah, Got home and try to breathe properly. :D Weekend is just like a short shift after a long period of exams. Tests are doing well, but it's worn out my both mind and body up to the hell. hey, gotta tell you something, huahahahahhahahahhaha. Yesterday was a big terribly funny day.

I went to a shop, close to my school, with my friends. I don't know how was the incident actually begun. I was attracted on the midst of my friend's joke. They were teasing a woman and started to laugh loudly. I approached and asked "what is funny uh?" They told me that she's got really an outrageous hair's color. Yeah, she makes it into a very bright blonde color. Honestly, it is not really suitable for her age and this is Indonesia man! It's quite odd if you put on that color. She got another funny styles, but I am going to stop mocking her. :p
Hua, the second astonishing thing occurred! I REALLY DIDN'T HAVE ANY IDEA how she could hear our teasing her. She came by and looked at us with a very unfriendly stare! moahahhahahahhahahhahahhaha. I was kinda frightened and amused! She might know that I gave my best to button my mouth so that my giggling sound doesn't slip out. FYI, my closest fellas n family know that I have one odd habit which unable to control my laughing. xD





It was really an unforgettable moment with my gals before graduated. My school time is left only one month. Geez, Hardly could imagine how days will be after April.

Bless me with a thousand prayer okay. eh, of course it is for my graduation. With my deepest sincere heart, Thank You !

Selasa, 15 Maret 2011

books are going to be bin uh? yihaa :D

BONJOUR !

Only one month and the exams will be cast away! cihaaa!!
can't wait to chill myself in some sort of lovely things.. emmm! :D
Pray for me okay? Let me pass the exam successfully :D


Gracias fella!

With all my love :D

Jumat, 04 Maret 2011

A slight whisper on my mind



It doesn't turn to a better way..
Love isn't just words.
Show it.. Take your responsibility.
Maybe I am just unlucky to have this faith.
But I never forget to thank for my being mature after what you've done.

About my recent :)

A stream of exams are really killin my brain!

whoaa.. I hardly take a breath. The unstoppable schedule has worn me out. It's been like living in Hell for 2 months from now. Please help me to call the closest asylum if I were insane before the end of April.

I worry badly about national exam. Pheww.. need to struggle and fight !

Kamis, 24 Februari 2011


I'm running through time and space..

Looking for the edge of the unstoppable journey..

Often lost and back again..

Will I reach the end?

Minggu, 20 Februari 2011

Hi dear mon cher..

I've been working like crazy.. hahhaa but sometimes I regard it to a fabulous journey, because I've to struggle on my own and learn about spirituality during my hard time.. I used to think that spirituality only works out when I have to release every single thing and live peacefully in suburb.. I was wrong, I can learn spirituality everytime everywhere if I am a being that is still wandering through this circle of lives..

I used to think life must be great if I am living as well as others, having a perfect family.. whoa it would be easy, I wondered..

but NOW.. I don't care so much what do I have to go through my life either happiness or sadness.. It is just equal.. and each one is fine :)

Kamis, 17 Februari 2011

Darimu, ku tahu apa itu ketabahan..
Darimu, ku tahu apa itu kesabaran..
Darimu, ku tahu apa itu pengorbanan..
Darimu, ku mengenal apa itu cinta..
Berjalan bersamamu..
Melihat langkahan tiap barismu, membuatku mengerti akan arti perjuangan..
Ibu....
Semoga kamu akan bahagia selalu..
_/\_

Senin, 14 Februari 2011


I was so depressed lately.. It sometimes makes me OOC ( out of control ) hmm.. I was crying yesterday.. :(

I don't know who I shall tell my problems.. If I vent it out, will you understand? Actually I don't need anyone to tell me what the solution for all things that burden me, but I just need someone to listen to what I am saying when I am so confused.. I feel lost and really need someone to understand me for a while.. I'll get what's the best solution myself when I am okay again. but I am terrified so much if I am in uncontrolled situation, I've promised to myself that I would control my emotion. I don't want to hurt anyone when I am still ooc..

Yesterday was really a super 13 bad terrible day ever.. If I wanted to, I would just be like a child. I would shout, and blame on others.. but I should always remember my promise.. I'm trying not to break it..

I can't explain what precisely happened to me, I am just too speechless.. Everything came in a row and hit me one by one in a night.. I became crazy and really felt like dying soon..

but it's okay now.. As what I uttered, I will be alright.. I just need time.. I will solve everything myself..




Oh yeah.. Happy Valentine's day..

I am single, but it's no matter.. I don't wanna attach in anything right now.. I wanna find who I am first.. but I do have my valentine....... xixixixixi.. It's my mom.. xD

Hello MOM!!!! I LOVE YOU.. MUACHHHH..
You are my heart..
You are my everything..




I don't wanna lie to anyone, including you my dear diary.. I do like a guy for about one year already.. but he doesn't know.. hahahaha.. let it be.. I don't wanna take any further step.. He'll be scared and run away from me.. If it is so, I will lose one of my valuable friend.. Let me be his secret lover.. It's okay hahah.. oyaahh.. Happy Valentine my dear valuable friend.. :) I wish I could be your friend forever :D


Sabtu, 05 Februari 2011

It is just a sad and excited chinese new year

Hey dear.. Forgot to greet ya Happy Chinese New Year!!



2 days before the D day.. My dear cousin was being hospitalized because of stroke.. Our family was damn worried and in sorrow.. Our first day in Granny home, as usual our big family gather together, were not in mood to celebrate New year.. Even we were crying....

Hopefully, My cousin is gettin better.. He is now in Jakarta and will go to Singapore a few days later to check up his body.. He is now doing the therapy.. Only his left arm is not working properly..

We were going to Brastagi.. I picked some crazy games at Mickey Holiday and it succeeded to make me feel dizzy.. Then we were going to Hill park in the afternoon.. I was actually wanna go to the temple.. but they said that it was too late already..

I didn't tell ya!!! The villa we went in was haunted you know! Horrible... Hiyyyyy.. Someone woke me up by hitting my shoulder and my cousin saw ghosts.. Hiyyyy.. >.<

Then we went home and got home when it was almost midnight..


The next day, I went to Sun Plaza, one of my best friend was invited me on her birthday party.. Usually I can hang out till 8 or 9 p.m but yesterday I was damned tired.. I felt dizzy so we went home and I got headache all night.. I slept in about 9 hours.. but my head was not getting better! then I decided to eat Panadol..

and now I am typing all my stories during Chinese New Year to you haha..

aaa.. I guess I have let my sister use this notebook.. She seems not patient anymore xD

See you dear.. Have a nice lovely day ! Muacchhh.. :D


Sabtu, 29 Januari 2011

Family


Family is a place that everyone belongs to..
How if it is not a family that you imagine..
You've lost a part that most people are having..

fall.. stand.. begin again..
I'm now walking to nowhere but somewhere..
Scarcely brave to look behind..
Feel something horrible is gonna catch you up..

Keep running....
Keep moving forward.....

Should I look behind when it's been too far to reach you.....?


I'm trying to lose that memory..


But my heart tells me to keep it and let it be a part of my story..



but still I don't know the answer..

just keep walking and there might be an answer..



Jumat, 28 Januari 2011

I need practicing and never let a sec go with all nonsense things..

Be strong !

Be in spirit always my dear girl !!!!!!!

Sabtu, 15 Januari 2011

Jumat, 14 Januari 2011

Bad Luck :(

U g h I'm gonna die soon because my being poor of lucky shocked me tremendously! I took photos and the camera suddenly came to an error. O M Gosshhh.. I did hold it carefully. =.= After I checked it and turn it on once, fortunately it got no problemo, just low battery !

I would never ever be alive again if it was really damaged! It was just fully unthinkable if it could be broken.

Am I having a couple of bad luck hands?

I am just too tired of being like this. I was absolutely a careless person, but I now do change!

I hate to see my sister or anybody else got doubted on me, I know it is my fault.

I don't know. It is just out of my control. Can anybody say that it is okay? Can anybody just trust me if they know I am having those terrible hands? I am so sad.

I just need trust :(

Btw, what is goin' on with these hands? anybody temme please :(

Senin, 10 Januari 2011

:D

Hi dear..

I am happy :)

I am happy to see everyone gets happiness..

Though I haven't got what I have ever dreamed on, but I just feel satisfied to feel everything..

Yeah, I tell myself..

This is how it should be. People should be happy.

Whatever it is or what do all people aim is basically the same thing. No matter to be rich, beautiful, handsome or popular and so on. It is happiness.

Some of them are still the same till now on. Not much different can be compared. Still doing the evil things and never be in peace. I just feel pity of them. I can't say much because sometimes you need to be quiet and let everything flow and let them experience their own lives. Talking too much just makes it worse.

I am feeling so well.... I even forget what I want.. I don't want anything right now..

I wanna try to always release every feelings so that I can always feel like this way.. so peace.............

Sabtu, 08 Januari 2011

Happy Birthday !!!


Hi dear..

It was my birthday yesterday on 8 Jan.. Uncountable lovely wishes greeted me.. Aaa.. It was so good a day :D

I found something mysterious inside my school bag.. Yet it wasn't not mine, but I knew somebody must have put it inside my bag :DDD

Stephanie Chandra, Fani Ramli, Cheria, and Ria did. They wrapped something heavy and strange.

They insisted on my tearing the gift.. xD so much feel shy to open it among lots of friends..

hahaha..

I never thought they would give me this!


AAAA.. I love these books.. I've ever found it at Gramedia and read it excitedly..
Finally I could get it..!!


Why I love "Dunia Sofie" ?

hmmm... because it is explaining something about philosophy, and it is written as a novel so we can get a new and light reading :)

Lately I am so much interested in philosophy so that's another reason I love this book..

Why " Cacing dan Kotorannya " ?

My sister has ever owned this book, and I haven't finished reading and understanding the whole part..
but she gave it to her friend ( she didn't know that I was still reading it ) and I was so disappointed..
but now? I've got a new one.. hahah..

This is a good book and has been the best seller :)

It is a good spiritual book, try it!



HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSICA !!! :D

Minggu, 02 Januari 2011

Here it comes 2011.. Thank you 2010, you let me learn a lot of things.. Let me be awake and live my life mindfully.. I don't know why.. I feel like crying when I am trying to look back my life.. From my childhood till who I am.. I never thought everything will change just in a glance.. haha.. Life is really unpredictable..

I really feel like crying :')

I ain't blame no one.. Sometimes I just feel pity of myself err kinda feel inferior.. But I am back to strengthen by saying " Hey! This problem is nothing to ya Jess! Oh come on.... You need to be mature if you love y'r mother.. " :D

Yeah sometimes it is tired of being like this.. sometimes you just wanna call someone to lend his shoulder to cry, ears to listen and eyes to convince you that everything will be okay..

2011...

This is another tough year.. This year start from tomorrow, I'll be crazy in schedule my time.. Hahaa I look like a superstar..

I got extra class for preparing UAN at school, 3 days in a week for my course, I am going to teach my another new students at Madong Lubis and also at my own home.. :( I ain't think about it.. It really makes me feel crazy.. I have to work for myself because I can't count on him anymore.. I even can't imagine how I can schedule my time.. It is too miserable.. I do have to study harder for my last year at Sutomo and Winfield.. V_V

Mother Earth, please give me new spirit and guide me with your shoulder, ears and eyes :'(